"Get Ready to DIE!"
My sister asked if I would like a book she was reading, where you sit down and talk with your children about things. I asked one of those children, and she said, "Yes, I've been hoping for something like that."
It came yesterday: The Senior Organizer -- implicitly subtitled, Get Ready to DIE! The back cover blurbs, "No more digging through files!"
Grrrrrrr. You know me, or you think you do.
Here's a random look at the Index: "Eulogy, Eyeglass Prescription...Financial Consultants....Funeral Arrangements...House Keys..." and so on.
Sample Daily Routine/Schedule, p. 62
7:00 am Wakes up. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday she takes a shower. On other days she just washes her face.
8:00 am Breakfast, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday cereal and fruit, takes AM medications with a glass of water.
8:30 am On Tuesdays and Thursdays, she goes to Aqua Fit at YWCW. Class starts at 9:00 a.m., ends at 10:00 a.m. Needs help getting into and out of bathing suit. (Spare me that image.) On other days of week, watches the "Morning News," then "Regis" (whatever that is) at 9:00 a.m. and "The Price is Right" at 10 am. What a f....ing slug.
11:30 am Eats lunch. She likes a tuna sandwich on wheat, an orange divided into sections, and a small green salad. She eats chocolate pudding for dessert (whether she likes it or not, and she doesn't!)
12 noon Takes midday medications with a glass of water.
I can't go on.
Dear Family, If I die too soon, know I will consider myself lucky to be spared this silent screaming that is going on during this routine (I presume it would have been silent).
Then we get to the nitty and gritty: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!
Someone has to produce account numbers and names. I notice they don't mention passwords.
Dear Family, I am already organized. A good Christian should be prepared to pray, preach, or die at any moment. I love you all. Dig through the files, M...f..rs!
Not that I'm all that good of a Christian, but you'll figure it out.