Thursday, September 04, 2008

Mom Saves the World

We've woken up in the middle of a movie, with an attractive star resembling Mariska Hagerty except cuter!

First act: In the middle of cooking mooseburger breakfast and general family swirlaround (including chaste loving kiss from Rock Hunter husband), phone rings. It's Candidate Oldenpoohead, looking for a running mate. Mom will be V.P.! Yay! No school today!

Second act: Mom overcomes wicked reporters including old enemy who has been stalking her since PTA days. He is thwarted on CNN when Mom makes glorious oration at convention. Colorful campaign montages show campaign stumping where all American women adopting neo-Schlafly hairdos. And then--at Inauguration Ball-- Oldenpoohead has chest pains and dies! Mom takes oath of office with demurely downcast expression while Rock Hunter holds giant Bible. All Americans go down on their knees for different reasons.

Third act: Crises erupt. Mom sends each child to lead military operations to subdue Russia and China, et cetera. Mom will fly Air Force One herself to thwart Osama. Wicked reporter accompanies her on plane, is now on the team! That afternoon, Mom flies home and saves the economy by issuing every family a gun and teaching them to field dress moose. Self-reliance! Home schooling! Mom reverses Roe v. Wade by executive order, and all teenagers instantly agree to abstinence!!

Final Scene: Family is cooking mooseburgers in White House residence many babies toddlng around and being born. Mom hands spatula to Bristol because chaste loving first dude swoops Mom up and carries her off to bedroom. Final scene shows formerly wicked reporters reporting that Mom is happily carrying a spina bifada baby; they agree on Press the Face that the world is better off for unplanned pregnancies. And oh thank God all former terrorists have now become Christian Republicans.

THE END
(no kidding)

2 Comments:

Blogger Winifred said...

Brilliant!

4:07 AM  
Blogger J. Michael Povey said...

Dear Pru

You made me want to weep and to laugh.

Laughter is the best medicine, and when I laugh it is the greatest antidote to faer!

Thank you

Michael

3:41 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home